By Jeremy Lopez
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“All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players…” William Shakespeare
Let’s Set the Stage
How fatalistic Shakespeare’s statement sounds. Are we merely just players acting out on the stage of life as if we had no say–as if we had no part to play–as if life just happens to us? Don’t get me wrong. Life does happen to all of us. And yet, according to John 10:10 Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. And yet there are people and situations along life’s way that seem to thrive on drama, and they sadly live their whole lives from one dramatic scene to the next. I’m talking about negative drama. We’ve all encountered these people in our lives or family members and have all too often become entangled in their scenes. They don’t want just spectators but invite us up on stage to be part of their all-encompassing scenes.
Ever heard of the expression, “they’re always making a scene?” It means to make a public disturbance or excited emotional display. Would you believe this phrase was first recorded in 1831? Drama has been around a long time. After all, it makes for many good movies, or not, as the kids say. What would soap operas be without drama, right?
Since the beginning of time drama has played itself out on the stage of eternity that started in the Garden of Eden. In fact, it set the stage for conflict between man, God, and the devil and it has not ceased to cause havoc throughout history. God said don’t eat of the fruit of a certain tree in the center of the garden. Satan played with Eve’s mind and tempted her to doubt what God said. So, she ate, and gave some to her husband, Adam. The struggle began, not only with obeying God, but also with the challenge of living in harmony and unity between individuals.
Maybe you are struggling with someone with this issue, and you just don’t know how to break free of it. It has caused you turmoil, sleepless nights, sadness and confusion. You want restoration. You pray for restoration. You’ve done all you know to do for restoration, but nothing seems to work. You wonder what the hullabaloo is all about. You’re perplexed. One plus one doesn’t seem to equal two in this situation. You could say the word blue, and the other person thinks you said red. You then say red, and the other person thinks surely you said blue. An argument ensues. You can’t win.
First, before we go any further, let me set a criterion that people who thrive on drama are people just like you and me. They may love God and truly love you. There are reasons why we create drama ourselves but there are also reasons why we tolerate it or get entangled in other’s drama. That’s where God comes in. He can and does desire restoration, but our idea of restoration can make the matter worse if we are not careful.
What is Drama?
Drama: a play for theater, radio, or television; an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances. In literature: a composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance; a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces (emphasis mine). Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
A very interesting and down-to-earth meaning:
Urban dictionary: Typically, drama is used by people who are chronically bored or those who seek attention.
There’s a great movie you might want to see some time. It’s called, Changing Lanes, starring Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Affleck, and William Hurt. Samuel Jackson is a recovering alcoholic and belongs to Alcoholics Anonymous. In the process of his recovery, Samuel Jackson loses his family through some amazing circumstances involving a successful Wall Street lawyer, Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck and Samuel Jackson’s lives dramatically intersect in what we could call the perfect storm–a scenario involving a car crash. As the story unfolds, Samuel Jackson winds up in jail through a strange set of circumstances. As you watch the movie you start wondering, is there anything else that can go wrong in this poor man’s life? You actually start feeling sorry for him and think he’s getting a raw deal in life. Since I’m from the South, it reminded me of the country songs I would hear growing up–my wife left me, my dog died, and I’m so lonesome I could cry. But there is one amazing defining moment in the movie that bears to be mentioned here. In fact, a clip of this scene was carved out on YouTube. While Samuel Jackson is in jail, he calls his AA sponsor to get him out. After he is released and they are walking to the car, his sponsor, William Hurt, confronts him with all that he is doing concerning his nemesis, Ben Affleck. Samuel Jackson says, “But I didn’t have a drink. That’s the point, isn’t it?” But William Hurt, exasperated with him, exclaims that his drug of choice isn’t alcohol but CHAOS. Wow! CHAOS! Is this your drug of choice? Woven into my story is a story of systematic, repeated chaos concerning relationships.
Even though conflict began in the Garden of Eden through disobedience, and Satan was given perpetual access into the conflicts of man, I believe God has put a perpetual hope in man that desires resolutions. With God’s help and understanding this can happen, even in drama-infested relationships. I love the scripture in Psalm 138:8, where David says, “The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever...” Let’s get perfected on this matter.
Let’s Ask Ourselves Some Questions
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Do you know someone who thrives on drama?
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Do you know someone in your family who thrives on drama?
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Are you entangled in a conflict now?
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Is this conflict ongoing?
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Are you in turmoil because of it?
What is the answer?
What do the scriptures say? As Christians, what are God’s mandates? What are God’s solutions? First and foremost, we have been called to peace. Colossians 3:15 says, Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Take a moment to see if there is anyone in your life that fits the following criteria. Maybe you have a friend who is struggling with an unhealthy relationship and are experiencing the signs below:
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Those who live in drama will seek to draw you into their conflicts and it will rob you of joy and peace.
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Those who live in drama will drain your emotional reserves.
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Those who live in drama will draw you away from your purpose and God-given destiny.
STOP! Wait a minute, Forshia! Just wait one doggone minute. I HAVE NO CHOICE. I am married to drama. I work for drama. My co-worker is drama. As a caretaker, I take care of drama. I have no choice, Forshia!
Consider this: Then God has allowed these people in your life for your benefit. Yes, that’s exactly what I said. Your benefit! Okay.
Let me present to you these considerations:
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You have a choice in how you serve God and honor Him in this.
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God does desire restoration BUT it doesn’t mean the other person will change.
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The sooner we learn that we’re not called to fix people, the better off we’ll be. Romans12:18, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
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What do I need to learn since God has allowed this person in my life?
Remember, being Christlike may actually mean lovingly, firmly, and graciously removing yourself from drama invested situations and conversations. I believe God will give you a legitimate way to excuse yourself from a negative conversation or relationship. Even Jesus quietly slipped away when the crowd around him became dangerous and harmful. God has called us to peace!
Forshia Ross
